I learned something tonight. I started talking to my Dad and the subject turned to the church that I left back in January. Eventually it got around to him sharing with me something that I had not previously known. I had never even really anticipated the possibility of it, other than a few times when I was really angry and especially paranoid.
It turns out that there actually was a conspiracy afoot to run me off and they even admitted it to my Dad all while generally still trying to convince me that they cared about me and liked me. Hopefully some of you remember the stuff I have talked about with that church but I won't link any of the posts.
It turns out that they knew for most of the last year that I was growing increasingly unsure about the group and its direction and that I didn't feel like I belonged. I had assumed that they didn't really realize that I was struggling with those things and instead wanted to believe that they did at least somewhat care about me and that they actually had wanted me around like they told me a number of times. My Dad told me though that back in late November and December of last year that he had a number of conversations with a couple of the leaders from the group trying to work with him to figure out how to tell me to get lost and leave the group because they didn't want anyone around who wouldn't blindly follow all of their directions or who didn't have a certain exact few personalities. They also couldn't be bothered to try and work with me to help me understand in any way at all. They just wanted to run me off in what they saw as the "Christian" manner by being polite to me and telling me what I wanted to hear when I was around but progressively ignoring me more and more and intentionally giving vague answers to any questions I might ask. That "conversation" with Igor in which I was banned from the retreat, well that was all a part of their plan that they had tried to get my Dad to help with.
I have no idea how to put a positive spin on this, they were intentionally working to make me feel more and more like I didn't belong while trying to convince me that I did belong in conversations that I would have with them. I figured that surely they knew me well enough to know that I would prefer honesty even if it was something I didn't want to hear over feel-good lies especially when they knew that I didn't really believe their lies.
But they also didn't even include all of the leadership people that I would think they should have included. Such as the employee who was actually in charge of that retreat, she was apparently not included in any of this but they did included a couple of volunteer leaders.
Comments (10)
Dude . . . the Western church is in for a very bitter awakening soon. So much so that I think a lot of congregations and denominations will not even be following Christ any longer.
Be thankful you got out when you did. Make sure you belong to the Only Begotten Son, and to Him alone.
@Botolf -
That is true but good luck getting them to admit that.@Happily_Married_Guy -
I know that any energy put towards it is wasted. Its just hard to see the group that had led me to Christ devolve into a cult. Its only made harder because for a long time I had believed that these people were my friends.@Happily_Married_Guy -
I'm hoping I can recover from it but it has shaken my faith which was already shaken to a lesser extent by some other stuff.@Happily_Married_Guy -
I do seem to be finding myself in that range on a lot of things right now.